The Cat

Do you ever have those moments where you think someone is watching you, so you turn around quickly and see nothing?  Walking down the street, hearing someone behind you?  I did, but when I turned around this time there was only a scruffy looking street cat sitting at the door of my kitchen surround by the dark of night.  I literally screamed…. rightfully so, the thing looked like a ghost, just sitting, with it's tail wrapped around it's legs... just watching us as my dog and I ate dinner at the kitchen table.

I didn’t think much about it besides the pulsating heartbeat I had for a few seconds. Cana (my trusty sidekick dog) chased it down the hallway once we realized it was there.  It wasn’t until last week that my grubby street cat and I become much more intimate of friends.

It started with the dog food.  Industrial strength dog bag, up on my kitchen counter, tied up and closed for the army of ants that I have in my apartment. Got home one day after a hard day of work and lo and behold, the dog bag had been ripped open along the side with food pouring out and ants climbing all over what was left on the kitchen counter. My first thought, fuck, I have a rat… or mice… no the hole is too big to have been a mouse… unless it was Nutcracker size.  Okay, a rat (should I be touching something a rat ripped open?); oh please no, I’m going to have to stay in a hotel again. Then I thought, maybe it was THAT cat.  But she hasn’t been here before… so how can it be?

So annoyed and praying that I didn’t have a rat, I switched all the food to a plastic bag and then covered it again with another plastic bag thinking…hey 2 plastic bags, that should be enough.  I moved it off the counter onto a harder to reach bookshelf and thought to myself, "I think I've conquered the problem." HAHA I know, I thought it was a great idea at the time, but now that I'm writing it out, I'm pretty sure that sounds like the dumbest solution in the world. What would 2 flimsy grocery store bags due that an industrial strength dog food bag wouldn't do?  Hey, maybe the knots at the top would deter the smart whatever to give up...no opposable tumb to untie them right?   The next day I get home and WHAT?  My invincible plastic bag solution, on the impossible to reach bookshelf,  has had an attempt on it again!!!! There were a few bits of food that made it out, but hey maybe my knots where just the thing to keep the rest of it safe.  HAHA, I win round 2.

In an attempt to wipe the floor clean with my yet to be known opponent, I moved the invincible plastic bags into the fridge (minus the knots which were a pain in the ass to deal with when I was actually trying to get the food OUT for Cana). Hey, I have a masters' degree, I can figure this out right. HA I thought, "I beat you now cat/rat/Nutcracker mouse!"  Feeling pretty darn good with myself at the thought of successful completion of the war, I thought, why not enjoy the drop in temperature on the patio and give a call to Chicago to talk with the family about my glorious success?

Cana’s food was out, as always, for her to consume as she pleased (that dear readers is a different story).  Due to the crappy nature of my internet, the call was cut short and I did not have the time to brag about outsmarting whatever it was that was invading my kitchen. Depressed and angry at the internet (as always) I got up, turned the corner of my patio/kitchen door... and what did I see?  Oh wait for it…. wait for it… THE CAT, EATING OUT OF CANA'S FOOD BOWL. I mean, the NERVE of her/him!  It's like one of those world's dumbest criminals stories you see on TV, robbing a person when they are 15 times bigger, stronger and fatter than you. Stealing the food from the bag when I'm not around to fight back is one thing, but eating the food out of the bowl, in front of me, while I'm trying to enjoy the weather is a whole other thing!  I give the cat some credit, she/him must have some serious gull to try that one out.  I wonder if it's because I'm a "gringa," wait, aren't they color blind.. or is that dogs?

I went after her, Cana was just waking up from her nap and had no idea why her crazy owner started running and hissing down the hallway. Let's face it, Cana was useless here. I swear, I thought I was done with the cat. I had faced it straight on and I had won.  Round 3 goes to me.

Wars are usually, of course, more than 3 simple battles... but common, I'm dealing with a known enemy cat at this point.  I thought I was done, I didn't think she/he would have the gull to attempt such a bold attack again.  Oh yeah, I thought I was smooth and smart, basking in a victorious glow, until this morning.  With the treat of rain (oh god, please let it rain, the humidity is killing me) I went out to pull my clothes off the line. I just happened to look longly at the patio of my downstairs neighbor and what do I see?  The Cat. Sitting there. Watching. Waiting. Oh I know what she wanted, she was waiting for Cana and I to leave for the day before trying to sneak back in and have another attempt at the food.  She's adapting her strategy, with no sign of giving up, interesting. The human hissing started again and she just started at me.  Not like I could run towards her, I am shut in by robber bars covering my back porch.  Nothing that I can do.  Hey, maybe Cana will work, I pick her up and put her face through the bars hoping that she would growl, or bark, or something.  Turns out that we need some more work on those commands. Sidekick Cana again fails.

I finally chased her off using Cana's bad girl spray bottle with water and vinegar in it.  Turns out that I have pretty good aim with a spray bottle.... and those things can shoot like 15 feet if you get the spray level right! So to the dirty, ghost looking street cat that is haunting my dog’s food…. watch out.  I’m on to you. You might think you’ve can retaliate, but I know something about you.  You HATE water… and I have a lot of it J